Day 1: How comfortable are you in your own skin?

Day 1

How comfortable are you in your own skin?

My body has changed SO MUCH in the last 5 years. If we're talking about literal skin like the largest organ on the human body, I don't think I am all the way comfortable. My body feels like it's in constant evolution. Big, small, skinny, strong, curvy, curvier, the cycle never fucking ends. There are things in and out of my control like stress and endometriosis responsible for these changes. As well as my skin not even feeling like mine sometimes because of them. But if we're talking about skin figuratively I have never in my entire life felt so much like myself. The good, the bad and the ugly. I am SOOO comfortable with all of it. It's amazing. I love who I am, who I will be and who I am not.  

When are you comfortable? When are you not comfortable?

I am comfortable in my skin most of the time ironically at my heaviest weight in my entire life. I feel the sexiest I've ever felt. And I think that has to do with knowing myself in ways most people dream of and loving every struggle lump I've acquired along the way. I love the fact that I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I was sitting with my mother and we were talking about weight and body stuff. My mom joked that even at my skinniest throughout my life I was never a small person. My mom basically pointed out that I have never been dainty in size and mannerisms. I have also never felt dainty so she's not wrong. I am most uncomfortable when someone expects me to be uncomfortable in my skin. Because of my rapid weight gain and loss and gain and loss and gain people react to me and expect me to be uncomfortable, like my weight is something I don't notice or don't care about. Helloooo people I am vain as hell. I peeped this 20 pounds bruh. So mind ya business or start me a Dr. Miami Gofundme. 

What is the difference between when you’re comfortable and when you’re not?

This question seems a little redundant but i guess the difference would be the expectations assumptions and borderline judgements from people about shit they know nothing about. It really feels like a lot of people's ideas of beauty and self love come from people other than themselves. This sucks because I've learned first hand that only you and God  know what you need to feel and be true love for yourself and others. I be feeling like, yo deadass? I love me like this, chubby and rude! why should i care what you think? whats ya problem?

What has to happen in order for you to become more comfortable?

All this self love said and done I absolutely want my inner strength and outer strength to reflect each other. I have to get my health under control and stable so that I can get focused. I also need to find someone or a group of people with my similar interest so that they can support me through this journey. 

Day 1 of the 21 days of Soul Writing felt great after this hard ass day at work! Thank you for reading! Day 2 next up.